Alright guys, I’m about to do some word-vomit here.
I had surgery earlier this month (I had a tubal, or as I told my husband, “this spawn point has been decommissioned”). So I decided at the beginning of the month that I wasn’t even going to worry about 50 shit and I was just going to schedule some posts that I wanted to put up throughout the month. I’ve added a few things here and there to what was already scheduled after I got past the “everything hurts and I hate the world” week, but still, I stayed away from 50shades and all of its bullshit.
And in this past month I’ve come to accept something: I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry, I can’t. This series is the reason I keep walking away from this blog for weeks/months at a time, because I just cannot stand working on these books, but for some ridiculous reason I always felt like I had to keep doing these posts if I were to publish *any* posts.
Let me be clear: nobody is telling me that I have to keep doing these posts. Nobody but myself, that is. And I don’t even know how to explain this, but I’ll try. The 50 posts are always the highest viewed posts of everything that I publish. On the one hand, that tells me that those are the most in demand, so I automatically want to fill that demand.
On the other hand, I have to admit that it is self-serving, because, again, those are always the highest viewed posts. Whenever I don’t make those posts, my stats reflect it, and I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t upsetting to see my blog views drastically drop. Like I said in the title, this is real talk.
I always worry that if I stop doing them completely, my stats will permanently fall off the face of the earth, and I will lose subscribers from the blog and from the email list. I hope that’s not the case…
It’s a weird feedback loop of satisfaction and self-loathing, working on those posts.
I genuinely dread doing those posts. By nature I’m not a negative person. Sure, I can bring out the inner bitch in me when needed, but that’s generally not the case. And yes, I tend to be overly snarky and sarcastic, but that’s usually from a place of humor, not from anger/disgust/despair/etc…
Working on those posts consistently brought out the worst in me, both here and in my real life. But this past month of putting stuff on the blog just for funsies, and not worrying about the other has made me feel so happy, about the blog and in general. So I’m done with it.
Because I don’t want to completely leave it unfinished, I’m going to do two or three more posts on the books (one to finish book 2, and probably two to cover book 3), but there will be no in-depth explorations there, no close readings or critiques. Just basic lists of “here’s what I see that is clearly copy/pasted” and you can make of it what you will.
So if you’ve enjoyed the 50 posts to date, thanks for going on that journey with me. I’m sorry that I’m bringing it to an abrupt end, but it is what it is. I hope everyone will stick around for the other stuff, but if not, I understand.
Again, thanks. Again, I apologize. Again and again and again….
Um… I’ll just be over here mopping up the word-vomit now.