Before we dive into Fifty Shades of Grey, Chapters 14 (the most high school-ish college graduation ever), 15 (coercion by alcohol), or 16 (where she AGAIN acknowledges and ignores that this relationship will only hurt her), I am going to take a post to go through another round of insane character déjà vu. Basically, I want to go ahead and get this shit out of the way at one time, so I don’t have to keep repeating the connections as each character pops up.

So in the coming chapters, we start to meet some new people. We’ve already met Christian’s adoptive brother Elliot, whom Kate automatically has a thing for. At the graduation, we will meet Kate’s biological brother, Ethan. And eventually, we are going to meet Christian’s other adopted sibling, his sister Mia. When we first started this journey, Bug and I exchanged many a text message about these characters as we put the plagiarism puzzle together, and also just to rant, because damn, ELJ, did you even try?

I know Jenny Trout talked about the straight up character snatching that has occurred, but for those who still “just don’t see it” or are just all, “nuh-uhhh!!” I’m gonna try to break it down as simply as possible. For people who haven’t read Twilight, don’t give a shit about Twilight, or still haven’t figured out that I’m doing this because Fifty Shades of Grey is a DIRECT PLAGIARISM of Twilight, here’s the family dynamics:

Carlisle Cullen, a doctor, and his wife Esme are, according to their cover story, the adoptive parents of three non-biological siblings, Edward, Emmett, and Alice Cullen. In addition to those three, Esme has also taken guardianship of her orphaned niece and nephew, fraternal twins Jasper and Rosalie Hale. So let’s be clear: we have the three adopted siblings plus the two biological siblings. And they are romantically paired up thusly: Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice, with a remainder of Edward.

So then there’s Christian’s parents: Grace Trevelyan-Grey and Carrick Grey. Did I get that right..? Blah, mouthful there. Let’s call them Momma Grey and Poppa Grey. So Poppa and Momma Grey are the loving, warm, kind, etc, etc…

“But Poppa Grey isn’t a doctor, like Carlisle.” Hmmmmm, nope, you’re right. But guess who is: (flip!) Momma Grey!

And their three adopted children are Christian, whom we’ve met

and his non-bio siblings, Mia and Elliot.

And super conveniently, Mia and Elliot meet the bio siblings, the blonde and beautiful Ethan and Kate

and everyone falls in love. So of course they all couple up thusly: Elliot and Kate, Ethan and Mia…

… I see no difference here.

If EdwardChristian and BellaAna could get their shit together, they could complete the picture, but EdwardChristian is too busy right now playing poor pitiful tortured soul instead of working through his own issues.

Does Edward ever work through his issues? Well, sort of, his biggest issue being that Bella was mortal.

Does Christian ever work through his issues? Ehh… don’t hold your breath.

Parting comments: The next post will have the NAME THAT NARRATOR!!! answers, as well as a new one just for you guys! Also, in the next post we will talk about Bella’s graduation, Jacob’s mechanic skills, and the new car. Shit, wrong book again.

I’m going to try to start picking up speed as I work through these chapters, cut out so much of the summarizing and just stick to the plagiarizing. (Though now that I think about it, it might not speed things up much at all…) I’m also going to occasionally ask Bug to compose more rants on just how fucked up this book is, à la: why isn’t Ana running for the hills when she constantly tells herself that she doesn’t want this relationship, and can’t handle it, and will only get hurt from it. Her next assignment is Chapter 16, because if I try to tackle that one, I might break my laptop, and it’s the only working computer I have, and I can’t afford a new one, so let’s just not…

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Closing Notes:

Follow us on twitter @aka_kody @BexlyP

If you want to follow the train wreck that is 50shades to its illogical conclusion without melting your eyeballs, follow the blog of @Jenny_Trout.

If you see abuse in 50shades, or want to understand what domestic violence survivors are talking about, @EmmaTofi, @katjevanloon, and @Sageling are putting together a blogring with links to stories, articles, and other posts of interest.

You can also follow @50shadesabuse on twitter.

If you want just a regular, real world example of BDSM (not the misrepresentation of it as seen in 50shades), check out the blog of @itsjustahobby. *Not safe for work*