Okay, so in this installment of 50shades of Theft, I will cover Chapters 14 and 15, or if you remember: the most high school-ish college graduation ever, and coercion by alcohol. I promised to try to speed things up, so I’m going to try to do a bullet point system, or something. I don’t know, it might fail halfway through, but we’ll try anyways. I had been trying to summarize around the plagiarism points so that everyone could keep up, but I really hate this book, and

So if you haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey, and want to keep up with what’s going on, check out the chapter recaps here and then read my plagiarism comparisons. I know I keep plugging Jenny Trout’s blog, but she is hilarious, and if you haven’t checked it out yet, it’s worth it.

A lovely person (I’m just assuming, because she was kind enough to share this) named Rebecca commented on one of the posts with this link, a blog comparing actual BDSM to 50shades.

Also, Alys Cohen made a suggestion that I hope people will take to heart: “Take out every sex act in the entire book. Read it that way and tell me if he’s treating her well.” She makes a great point. The only thing about Fifty Shades of Grey that holds any claim to being a Romance is the fact that it has sex in it. Without sex this story is disturbing, at best.

Because there is still some confusion with people thinking that I mean “BDSM” when I say “abuse,” I have added a disclaimer to run permanently in the closing notes from here on out. What good I think it will do, I don’t know. We keep screaming from the top of our lungs that we aren’t talking about the BDSM but people keep on saying, “Guh! BDSM isn’t abuse!” Anyways, in this new disclaimer, I listed everything about the book that is abuse that I could come up with off the top of my head. If I missed something, tweet, comment, what-have-you to let me know and I’ll add it.

Bug is going to work on a commentary on Chapter 16. It is one of those chapters that is just so… But yeah, if you liked her Chapter 13 breakdown, stay tuned for that.

Okay, is that everything? *sigh* Longest opening section, ever. Well, maybe not, but damn.

Finally, because I know you’ve been dying of anticipation, NAME THAT NARRATOR!!! answers:

Part 1, the guys
Quote 1:
“‘Don’t you have a jacket?’ His voice is disapproving.” –Edward Cullen, Twilight
Quote 2:
“‘It’s cooler now, don’t you have a jacket?’
He shakes his head in irritation…” –Christian Grey, Fifty Shades of Grey

Part 2, the girls, after putting on jacket
Quote 1:
“I inhale… the delicious scent.” –Bella Swan, Twilight
Quote 2:
“…it smells …delicious.” –Ana Steele, Fifty Shades of Grey

Alright, onwards to the breakdown! (of the chapter, not my mind. Although I am close…)

Chapter 14:

Plagiarism Point 1: We get to meet Ana’s dad Ray as “he’s standing on the porch in his ill-fitting suit.” Ana goes on to talk more about him throughout the graduation ceremony, and we learn that Ray is gruff, not so good with emotions, and is uncomfortable in a crowd… Is he also a small town police chief?

Plagiarism Point 2: This is the most high-schoolish college graduation ceremony, ever. But because the source material is of a high school graduation, what else could we expect? And do colleges even have Valedictorians and Valedictorian speeches?

Speaking of that speech, Kate goes with the “What Next After College?” idea. Which is cool, I guess, but if you’ll remember, in Twilight, the book, Valedictorian Eric talks about new beginnings, and in the movie version, Jess gives her “who the hell knows” speech about, hmmmmmm, WHAT NEXT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL. Granted, the “what next” thing is wonderful and generic, and can apply to every graduation in the history of forever. But this is one of those things where there have already been too many parallels for me to just leave it be. See also: I just love how it’s pointed out in both Twilight and 50shades that Bella/Ana has to sit in the S section. We know what her last name is.

Plagiarism Point 3: We get even more info about Wanda, Ana’s vintage Volkswagen Beetle.

“José regularly services it for me.” Of course he’s a great mechanic. It should go without saying, because we all know that Jacob Black built a Volkswagen Rabbit and two motorcycles from the ground up. (HOLY SHIT! You guys want to place bets on whether or not Jacob’s Rabbit is where ELJ got the VW idea?)

Anyways, I read that bit about José being Ana’s mechanic, and I was all like, “Well, duh! She probably bought the car from José’s dad! But there’s no way ELJ would admit that.”

Ahem… “Yes, the Beetle used to belong to his mother.” And I nearly lost my shit for real, and had to bury my face in a pillow for a few minutes to keep from waking up the kids. Don’t ask if I was laughing or screaming, because I’m still not sure.

“I’m Just Saying” Point 1: “‘Congratulations!’ He {Kate’s brother, Ethan} beams down at me, green eyes twinkling. What a surprise. His dirty blonde hair tousled and sexy-looking. He’s as beautiful as Kate. The family resemblance is striking.” Wow, here’s a rare positive description of a blonde person in this book. Ana must really like Ethan. Or ELJ just really likes a certain green-eyed actor (I know I had a thing for him for a little while):

“I’m Just Saying” Point 2: “I’m Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he’s the serpent, and I cannot resist.”

“I’m Just Saying” Point 3: Apparently they quote each other Tess instead of Wuthering Heights. This is one of those things where I really see no difference.

Chapter 15:

“I’m Just Saying” Point 4: “‘Yes, Kate and Elliot, who would have thought?’ he murmurs, and for some reason, he doesn’t look pleased.”

Yes, who would have thought?

Oh, yeah, EVERYONE.

And because I can’t NOT say it, one of many moments of concern in this chapter: she’s on her FIFTH cup of champagne and he has not even finished one. THIS IS A PROBLEM.

At one point there’s a moment where we might have had a decent sex scene, and as always, those squiggly brackets are my words:
“‘It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, {oh shit, this might be sexy!!!} just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car,’ he growls {nope, he opened his mouth some more and fucking ruined it}.”

NAME THAT NARRATOR!!!

Quote 1:
“Another mercurial mood swing, it’s so hard to keep up.”

Quote 2:
“It’s hard to keep up – his sudden mood changes leave me always a step behind him.”

__________________________
Closing Notes:

Follow us on twitter @aka_kody @BexlyP

Another BDSM disclaimer: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT!!! When Bug or I (or many of the people who comment on this blog) talk about abuse, domestic abuse, or domestic violence in regards to Fifty Shades of Grey, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BDSM ASPECTS. We have repeated this ad nauseum, yet still hear the “you just don’t understand BDSM” arguments. We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about Christian’s manipulation of Ana (emotional, mental, psychological, etc… examples are the “I’m fucked up, and you are the only one who can fix me” spiel), the way Christian assumes 24/7 control and overrides Ana’s choices and decisions (even though Ana agrees to being his sub ONLY on the weekends; this control continues even after Christian declares that they will have a “normal” relationship), Christian’s use of alcohol to coerce Ana’s consent, Christian’s habit of stalking Ana even when she asks him for personal space, the fact that Christian isolates Ana away from her friends, the way he punishes her (be it the initial spanking that she was arguably not okay with, or the honeymoon bruising to make her too ashamed to sunbathe, which she was clearly not okay with), and so many other things wrong with his treatment of her, but also this really important fact: SHE IS TERRIFIED OF HIM AND HIS REACTIONS, AND CENSORS HER OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE SHE IS SCARED SHITLESS OF WHAT HE WILL DO TO HER IF SHE ACCIDENTALLY MAKES HIM ANGRY. And if your argument is “we don’t know that she’s scared,” well stop right there, because in the text, in her incessant inner monologue, she says as much, many, many times.

If you want to follow the train wreck that is 50shades to its illogical conclusion without melting your eyeballs, follow the blog of @Jenny_Trout.

If you see abuse in 50shades, or want more information about it, @EmmaTofi, @katjevanloon, and @Sageling are putting together a blogring with links to stories, articles, and other posts of interest.

You can also follow @50shadesabuse on twitter.

If you want just a regular, real world example of BDSM (not the misrepresentation of it as seen in 50shades), check out the blog of @itsjustahobby. *Not safe for work*

The History of BDSM has put together “The Curious Kinky Person’s Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey” here, in which a person 20 years in the scene gives a rundown of how 50shades measures up. Let’s all follow along!