I know I promised a Bug-filled rant on Chapter 16 next, but she just got a promotion at work (yay Bug!) so she’s been working a little longer each day learning that position, and this weekend she has obligations to hang out with her younger sister. So I’m going to forge ahead to the next chapters, and we’ll post the Chapter 16 piece in the near future.

Previous NAME THAT NARRATOR!!! answers:

Quote 1:
“Another mercurial mood swing, it’s so hard to keep up.” –Ana Steele, Fifty Shades of Grey

Quote 2:
“It’s hard to keep up – his sudden mood changes leave me always a step behind him.” –Bella Swan, Twilight

Chapter 17

Plagiarism Point 1: It opens with another seemingly real dream sequence to set up the chapter. We’ve discussed this before, the ongoing dream sequence thing that every Twilight book is centered around. I guess this is going to stick around for the duration of these books, too…

I’m Just Saying Point 1: He’s fast asleep with his head on my chest, his arm over me, holding me close, one of his legs thrown over and hooked around both of mine. He’s suffocating me with his body heat, and he’s heavy.

See Chapter 23 of Eclipse, the morning after the snow storm camp out where Jacob had to join Bella in the sleeping bag to keep her from freezing to death. When Bella wakes up practically smothered by Jake, she describes how he’s wrapped around her, how she was sweating from his body heat, and how his weight knocked the breath out of her.

Granted, in Eclipse, Meyer was talking about the other guy in the love triangle, and in 50shades James is talking about the main guy. That’s the only reason that I’m not calling this one out as blatant plagiarism.

I’m Just Saying Point 2: Wanda, my Beetle, has no power in it at all – anywhere.

This is like every description of Bella’s truck: slow, no power, had to stomp the gas to even get it moving…

And really, this is an insult to classic VWs. I mean, yeah, some of the Beetles had about as much speed and power as a bicycle going uphill. Hell, my husband has a ’67 converta-bug, and I think it tops out at 60. But go online and look up videos of supercharged bugs popping wheelies off the line, and you will never doubt the power that a classic VW bug can have. Like this:

.

Plagiarism Point 2: “My graduation present.” I try and act nonchalant. Yes, I get expensive cars given to me everyday.

So Christian gave Ana a new Audi because he felt that her Beetle wasn’t safe enough. You know what else would be a safe car to give someone whose old beater just died? A Mercedes Guardian, aka the S600 Guard.

Random note: Ana’s Inner Goddess went into “cheerleading mode” and I found a picture of her!

Plagiarism Point 3-infinity: “Have you eaten?” he asks out of the blue.

So, this shit again.

Chapter 18

I’m Just Saying Point 3: “You smell as divine as ever, Anastasia,” he whispers as he places a soft kiss beneath my ear.

Do I really have to point out just how “divine” Bella smells to Edward?

Random note: My subconscious chides me. Yup! Found her picture, too!

Chapter 19

NAME THAT NARRATOR!!!

Quote 1:
And then we were whirling […] I laughed after a few minutes of effortless waltzing.

Quote 2:
…whirling and turning in time to the music. And he makes it so effortless for me to follow. […] I can’t help my carefree laugh.

Random note: Now, I’m almost outside with No Panties!

I refuse to believe you made it through 4 years of college without missing a laundry day. I mean, really, how do you get to be in your early twenties and have never, ever once in your life, had to walk out the door without a pair of panties on. It’s not that fucking big of a deal!

But she keeps harping on it, “considering my state of wanton undress.” Okay, this bitch is starting to piss me off now. No panties does not necessarily equal wanton or undressed.

Chapter 20

Plagiarism Point 4: This one is PG13 vs XXX, so it took me a minute to figure out what about this scene was bugging me, until I realized it was the same fucking scene, but with a little fucking thrown in.

So in Twilight, the first time that Bella visits the Cullen home, they go up to Edward’s room, joke around a bit, and Bella ends up sitting on Edward’s lap on his couch. She is embarrassed when Alice comes up to chat for a second, but Alice doesn’t act like anything is amiss.

In 50shades, the first time Ana visits the Grey home, Christian drags Ana out to the boathouse for revenge sex on the boathouse couch. 1. Insert your own Toadies reference here, I know we all thought it. 2. That’s one hell of a boathouse: two stories, a couch, and a trophy display? I know people who’ve lived in smaller apartments. Anyways, Ana is embarrassed when Mia comes searching for them, because they clearly just had sex, but Mia doesn’t act like anything is amiss.

I know I say this a lot, because it’s true for most of this book: I see no difference here.

__________________________
Closing Notes:

Follow us on twitter @aka_kody @BexlyP

Other good follows:

@Jenny_Trout and her blog, Sweaters for Days, where you can follow the train wreck that is 50shades to its illogical conclusion without melting your eyeballs.

@EmmaTofi, @katjevanloon, and @Sageling and the Fifty Shades is Abuse Blogring with links to stories, articles, and other posts of interest.

@50shadesabuse

@itsjustahobby and the blog It’s Just a Hobby which she posts in tandem with her Dom, shows a regular, real world example of BDSM (not the misrepresentation of it as seen in 50shades). *Not safe for work*

The History of BDSM has put together The Curious Kinky Person’s Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey in which a person 20 years in the scene gives a rundown of how 50shades measures up.

The big-ass BDSM disclaimer that nobody bothers to read: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT!!! When Bug or I (or many of the people who comment on this blog) talk about abuse, domestic abuse, or domestic violence in regards to Fifty Shades of Grey, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BDSM ASPECTS. We have repeated this ad nauseum, yet still hear the “you just don’t understand BDSM” arguments. We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about Christian’s manipulation of Ana (emotional, mental, psychological, etc… examples are the “I’m fucked up, and you are the only one who can fix me” spiel), the way Christian assumes 24/7 control and overrides Ana’s choices and decisions (even though Ana agrees to being his sub ONLY on the weekends; this control continues even after Christian declares that they will have a “normal” relationship), Christian’s use of alcohol to coerce Ana’s consent, Christian’s habit of stalking Ana even when she asks him for personal space, the fact that Christian isolates Ana away from her friends, the way he punishes her (be it the initial spanking that she was arguably not okay with, or the honeymoon bruising to make her too ashamed to sunbathe, which she was clearly not okay with), and so many other things wrong with his treatment of her, but also this really important fact: SHE IS TERRIFIED OF HIM AND HIS REACTIONS, AND CENSORS HER OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE SHE IS SCARED SHITLESS OF WHAT HE WILL DO TO HER IF SHE ACCIDENTALLY MAKES HIM ANGRY. And if your argument is “we don’t know that she’s scared,” well stop right there, because in the text, in her incessant inner monologue, she says as much, many, many times.