So originally I had planned to cover the last few chapters in this one post. But then I finished reading chapter 24, and let’s just say, “oh my God so much plagiarism,” that this one chapter gets a post all its own.

If you didn’t get the NAME THAT NARRATOR!!! quotes from last time (chuckle chuckle) then there’s no hope for you. Sorry. I think I’m going to hang up NAME THAT NARRATOR!!! for the rest of this book because I’m running out of steam and I want to finish the book without breaking something.

I may or may not bring it back for 50shades Pilfered.

Chapter 24

Plagiarism Point Guess what? The plagiarism in Chapter 24 is off to a rocking start from the first words. It opens with a dream! Not only a dream, but a dream in which he’s telling her to eat. So remember the previously discussed dream and eating themes in Twilight? Yep, still in full effect…

Plagiarism Point He’s excited. Like a small boy, he’s iridescent with anticipation and excitement.

This is the point I mentioned at the end of the last post where Edward is all excited and child like in a creepy kind of way to show Bella his true nature when he gets to run. So I guess Edward running = Christian gliding.

Random Note Because she won’t eat breakfast right after waking up at 5:30 a.m. “Don’t rain on my parade, Anastasia,” he warns softly.

Seriously dude, just go fuck yourself. Her appetite or lack thereof is not responsible for your mood. Your dick-headedness is responsible for your mood.

Plagiarism Point “It’s from La Traviata. An opera by Verdi.”

So just watch about 60 seconds of this and name that tune!

Random Note Britney’s at her most sultry. “Toxic, eh?” Christian grins.

1) Christian is still being Canadian? Maybe it’s only while he’s in Florida. Georgia? Whatever.
2)I’m not a big Brittany fan, but uh… “Toxic” is not her most sultry song. Now, “Breathe?” Yeah, that song… Mmmhmmm.

Random Note My inner goddess has back flipped off the podium and is doing cartwheels around the stadium.

She keeps getting more and more room up there.

Plagiarism Point Christian strapping Ana into a parachute and then into the glider seat = Edward strapping Bella into the offroading harness in Emmett’s Jeep.

Random Note Of course he’s strapped me in so tightly I can’t move round to see him… typical!

Uh, no. He’s strapped you in so tightly so that you can’t squirm yourself loose and fall to your death. Unfortunately for us.

Plagiarism Point The light is extraordinary, diffuse and warm in hue, and I remember José rambling on about ‘magic hour’, a time of day that photographers adore – this is it… just after dawn, and I’m in it, with Christian.

Because dusk, i.e. “twilight” was that special time for Edward and Bella, Christian and Ana have to settle for dawn.

This scene highlights one of the many reasons why I hate this book:

As soon as I’m out, he grabs me and holds me flush against his body. Suddenly his hand is in my hair, tugging it so my head tips back, and his other hand travels down to the base of my spine. He kisses me, long, hard, and passionately, his tongue in my mouth. His breathing is mounting, his ardor… Holy cow – his erection… we’re in a field. But I don’t care. My hands twist in his hair, anchoring him to me. I want him, here, now, on the ground. He breaks away and gazes down at me, his eyes now dark and luminous in the early morning light, full of raw, arrogant sensuality. Wow. He takes my breath away.

Now, aside from the typical crap writing, this had potential. But then

“Breakfast,” he whispers…

He had to open his mouth. About food. And his obsession with her eating habits. Just shut up dude!

Because, as Bug so eloquently put it: NO SON WHEN YOU’RE ON THE COAST AT DAWN YOU FUCK AT DAWN

50shades of Daddy issues:

I find myself walking beside him, hand in hand, with a stupid, goofy grin plastered on my face. It reminds me of when I was ten and spending the day in Disneyland with Ray

She goes from “highly aroused” to “reminiscing about childhood fun with the step dad” way too quickly for my peace of mind.

Plagiarism Point Oh my God you guys, how many times is EL James going to borrow from the “La Bella Italia” scene? Enough times that I ripped that page in my copy of twilight while referencing lines. Which actually pisses me off because it is a hardcover edition that my husband gave me as a gift several years ago. So fuck you, ELJ.

“You know it’s really not fair.” I glance down at the Formica tabletop, tracing a pattern in it with my index finger, trying to sound nonchalant. “What’s not fair?” “How you disarm people. Women. Me.” “Do I disarm you?” I snort. “All the time.”

Twilight: ” You really shouldn’t do that to people,” I criticized. “It’s hardly fair.”
“Do what?”
“Dazzle them like that — she’s probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now.”
He seemed confused.
“Oh come on,” I said dubiously. “You have to know the effect you have on people.”
He tilted his head to one side and his eyes were curious. “I dazzle people?”
“You haven’t noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?”
He ignored my questions. “Do I dazzle you?”
“Frequently,” I admitted.

Is it Edward, or is it Christian? I just can’t tell anymore!

lol wut? At that moment, Leandra arrives with breakfast and our conversation ceases. My stomach rumbles, reminding me how ravenous I am but you just spent all of the paragraph talking about how you were NOT hungry.

Plagiarism Point Of course he doesn’t ask me for my mother’s address. He knows it already, stalker that he is. When he pulls up outside the house, I don’t comment. What’s the point?

So I finally figured this thing out, why Ana is so okay with Christian always knowing where she is, where she lives, and where she works. And why the whole thing bothers me so much. In Twilight Edwards makes a habit of knowing where Bella was going or where her friends were at, etc… He can’t help it because he can read minds, and Bella clues into the fact that he can read minds before he ever tells her. So in Twilight everytime Edward just happens to pop up at the right place Bella knows what’s up. Since Christian is not a mind reader, thank God, Ana just brushes off his popping up as his stalker tendencies. This is one of those moments where the source material does not work for the copy because for a mind reading vampire, you expect that he would just know where you are. But for a normal human who just randomly pops up where you are, it makes him a stalker. And that is neither cute nor funny the way EL James tries to play it off.

Plagiarism Point He kisses me, and I inhale his sexy Christian smell.

We should bottle that smell and sell it as douche bag cologne.

Plagiarism Point I grimace, knowing full well that my mother’s cooking is pretty hit or miss.

Yes, because your mother is Renee. And everybody knows that Bella’s mom can’t cook.

Plagiarism Point Holy shit. I know I talk in my sleep. Kate has told me enough times. What the hell have I said? Oh no.

FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP BEING BELLA!!!!!

A tiny rant in regards to this scene from your friendly neighborhood Bug: ELJ researched Savannah enough to know that Publix is in Savannah. On the other hand, if memory serves, the closest Publix to Tybee Island is the one on Wilmington Island where my mother in law has worked for almost 20 years. Now I won’t be able to stock up on beach beer without thinking of this fucking book. Thanks for ruining EVERYTHING ELJ.

Plagiarism Point “Congratulations, darling! We have to buy some champagne!” She’s clapping her hands and jumping up and down. Is she forty-two or twelve?

No, I just told you she’s Renee. Renee tends to get a little giddy. Also quit your bitching, her only daughter just got a job straight out of college and she’s excited. Let her have the moment.

Plagiarism Point Oh no… What have I said? It’s as bad as I think, I’m sure.

Nah, it’s cool. Oh, unless you’re just like Bella, in which case you probably admitted your undying love while you were asleep.

__________________________
Closing Notes:

Follow us on twitter   @aka_kody   @BexlyP

Other good follows:

@Jenny_Trout and her blog, Sweaters for Days,  where you can follow the train wreck that is 50shades to its illogical conclusion without melting your eyeballs.

@EmmaTofi, @katjevanloon, and @Sageling and the Fifty Shades is Abuse Blogring with links to stories, articles, and other posts of interest.

@50shadesabuse

@itsjustahobby  and the blog It’s Just a Hobby which she posts in tandem with her Dom, shows a regular, real world example of BDSM (not the misrepresentation of it as seen in 50shades). *Not safe for work*

The History of BDSM has put together The Curious Kinky Person’s Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey in which a person 20 years in the scene gives a rundown of how 50shades measures up.

The big-ass BDSM disclaimer that nobody bothers to read: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT!!! When Bug or I (or many of the people who comment on this blog) talk about abuse, domestic abuse, or domestic violence in regards to Fifty Shades of Grey, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BDSM ASPECTS. We have repeated this ad nauseum, yet still hear the “you just don’t understand BDSM” arguments. We aren’t talking about that. We are talking about Christian’s manipulation of Ana (emotional, mental, psychological, etc… examples are the “I’m fucked up, and you are the only one who can fix me” spiel), the way Christian assumes 24/7 control and overrides Ana’s choices and decisions (even though Ana agrees to being his sub ONLY on the weekends; this control continues even after Christian declares that they will have a “normal” relationship), Christian’s use of alcohol to coerce Ana’s consent, Christian’s habit of stalking Ana even when she asks him for personal space, the fact that Christian isolates Ana away from her friends, the way he punishes her (be it the initial spanking that she was arguably not okay with, or the honeymoon bruising to make her too ashamed to sunbathe, which she was clearly not okay with), and so many other things wrong with his treatment of her, but also this really important fact: SHE IS TERRIFIED OF HIM AND HIS REACTIONS, AND CENSORS HER OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE SHE IS SCARED SHITLESS OF WHAT HE WILL DO TO HER IF SHE ACCIDENTALLY MAKES HIM ANGRY. And if your argument is “we don’t know that she’s scared,” well stop right there, because in the text, in her incessant inner monologue, she says as much, many, many times.