On a bleak Friday the 13th this past January, I decided to quit smoking. Again.

So far things are going okay(ish). But everyone who’s quit smoking knows that the urge tends to linger, and when that urge isn’t met with a cigarette, it looks for other outlets. Some people chew gum, grab a soda, bite their nails, twist a piece of hair, fidget with something. I snack.

The urge goes something like this:

Evil Kody: You know, a snack cake would be great.

Logical Kody: ….but I’m not hungry.

EK: So what? It’s just a snack cake.

LK: But I don’t want a snack cake.

EK: Of course you do! We have some Swiss Rolls in the pantry.

LK: No, I don’t. Besides, I’m working on something.

EK: So let’s just get up. Take a little break. Go grab a-

LK: Look, I don’t want the damned snack cake.

EK: If we were still smoking, we could go take a break…

LK: DAMMIT ALL!!!